Tuesday, July 7, 2009

More Out-Of-Context Funnies

So I've got this awesome "ten most disturbing moments in Avengers history" post in the works, but it's taking me longer than expected to get it all written out. So here's another random Avengers panel of wrongness, and the real content will come tomorrow. (maybe by then I will have more than nine wrong moments ready...)

"there to await my pleasure"

Monday, July 6, 2009

Speaking of Swordsman...

For some reason, Swordy gets all the vaguely wrong panels.

also, apparently, it pleases Quicksilver to touch Swordsman, which makes me giggle

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Superpatriotic Holiday Edition

It's the fourth of July, and like probably every other comics blogger, I'm celebrating a very special superhero on this day... someone who's served his country his entire life, who is the very embodiment of the patriotic spirit... a man who BLEEDS red, white, and blue:

I am talking, of course, about Captain John Walker: US AGENT
Oh yes.

Ah, US Agent, the only avenger whose dickishness dwarfs even Tony Stark's.

Seriously... this guys' a real pieceawork, but, whatever you say about US Agent, you cannot deny that the man is a TRUE PATRIOT.

And also, a TRUE BADASS.
But I could go on about Walker's faults all day, and probably into the next, but, beyond the utterly punchable face and slavish devotion to his government (up to, and including, secretary of state Red Skull,) US Agent has a great many awesome qualities that, on this day of American Patriotism, I find it incumbent upon me to celebrate.

John Walker's a family man, dontchaknow, and he takes a photo of his late parents with him into battle, where it's pasted on the back of his shield, so he is always reminded of what he's fighting for whenever he uses it. His shield is further inscribed with the names of men who have fallen in service to their country. He will then use this shield to MESS YOU UP.


Oh yeah, US Agent brings the pain, and does so FOR AMERICA.


He does it FOR JUSTICE.


And for AMERICAN DECENCY.
Because John Walker does not care who you are, but he will uphold the ideals of Truth, Justice, and the American Way ALL UP IN YOUR FACE. He does not need to be LIKED, or ACCEPTED... he merely IS. He is all that is patriotic and American and he makes NO APOLOGIES.
So you can go and read your stories about that pacifistic liberal, Steve Rogers, or his whiny little brat, Bucky... but in the hearts of all TRUE PATRIOTS, there is only ONE THING to say when you see this man:

AMERICA: FUCK YEAH!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Even longer time, no lol

Well, between finishing school, getting a swank new apartment, and generally drifting away from the internet in general, this blog has been left untended for over a year now. Truly I am shamed by my inattentiveness to my undead baby.... but I feel in the mood to change this. BEHOLD: more lol


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Long time, no lol

Well, with school and also work, I've not had much time for my lovely blog here. However, having the last post be way back in february shames me, so here's a lovely lol-panther moment as a placeholder.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Queen holds the secret of Anti-Life (it's true)

As anyone who has read the most recent issue of DC's Countdown to Final Crisis (#9) knows, Piper has a bit of the anti-life equation in him, and that part of the equation... is Queen.









But I am not here to talk about how totally predictable and stereotypical it is to have the "gay guy" tearfuly playing a song which is about Freddie Mercury's battle against AIDS (Would they have a different character play the song, even though it is equally appropriate as a "swan song"? probably not.) The reasons for this are twofold. First Queen is AWESOME, and all shall appreciate the genius of Freddie Mercury! Secondly, and this is a little known fact, Queen songs hold the secret of the Anti-Life equation!**



Observe:



Given:

[hands, hearts]

~{wrong, right, black, white, blood, stain, hate, fight}



If:

1 man ∧ 1 goal = 1 mission



1 heart ∧ 1 soul = 1 solution

Then:

1 flash of light -> 1 God/1 vision



If:

1 flesh ∧ 1 bone = 1 true religion



(1 voice ∨1 race) ∧ 1 hope = 1 real decision

Then:

1 vision

also: Fried Chicken*

*Fried Chicken may here be a stand-in for Ice Cream, the anti-life power of which may have been too much for the common listener to stand. The anti-life power of Ice Cream is first shown in Young Justice #37

**This post is not at all intended seriously, and I apologise for abusing what little logic I remember from high school. Later I may post a slightly more serious look at Piper's new place in countdown (and how much Desaad sucks at brainwashing) later.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Thor makes a funny

Woo! I'm back at school with access to my Photoshop and scanner and other lovely things. Which means you get to see awesome out of context panels like here, with Thor:

Friday, January 25, 2008

Friday Night Fight!

Wasp gets smacked, cause Bahlactus Demands It!
Ok, I lied, it's cause I hate the Wasp...



Huzzah! i am finally home in order to make a FNF post. Apparently am having a "beat on Jan" week going on. Here she is getting beat up by a small child. Truly she is a force to be reckoned with.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Jan be Liberated!

Sorry about the sporadic posting, but I've pretty much run out of things to write about without some fresh scans, as you can see from my previous, scanless, post.


So here's a very special installment of "How to treat a woman": how to BE a woman, with the lovely Wasp:


Watch closely as she demonstrates the proper way to resolve marital disputes!
(as i recall, this comes just a few issues before the infamous backhand of assholeishness is administered)

Step one: dress like a hooker
Step two: denigrate yourself to make him look better
step three: declare that you are useless except as an accessory to him!
step four: offer sexual favors!
unfortunately for Jan, she didn't simper enough in panel two, and so the dissolution of their marriage is TOTALLY her fault.
Ok, time to throw up from the horror and an OD of sarcasm.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Comic Review: Marvel Adventures Hulk #7

This kind of story is what made Marvel great. Bruce Banner, Rick Jones, and their sidekick, Monkey, have been attempting to fix Bruce's "little" Hulk problem. This time, they are confronted with some good old smackdown between the Silver Surfer and Terrax, and our man shiny-boy isn't doing too well. Bruce is obliged to turn into Hulk to help out. But wait! Surfer is unable to persue Terrax after he steals his board, so he must give his power cosmic to hulk! and rick! and Monkey! although with the power cosmic, Hulk is in control of his actions, and can switch back to Banner at will, he still gives the power back to the Surfer at the end, cause it's what's right.

Also, there's a lot of hilarity in between.
I wish i was at school with my scanner, but here's some choice quotes:

Silver Surfer: Hulk! If.. we fall... Earth... d... Devastated!
Hulk: World break?

Silver Hulk: You want a lesson, Terrax? With great power comes great smashability!


{I shall insert awesome scans here at a later date}



The storytelling in this series is concise and amusing and filled with some good old fashioned punchination. If you are not reading the Marvel Adventures Hulk series, I suggest you start now, or risk missing even more Monkeytastic awesomeness.


WHO POKE HULK?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Lazy today

I had to endure one of those lovely five-hour-courses for the driving today, so I'm not up to a full post. Here, Have some Lulz:

Ugh, that was me all day.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Out of context day!

Really, anything I say can only spoil this lovely moment.


Yes, that is Black Knight smacking the hell out of a toddler.


GOOD NIGHT!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

How to treat a woman: Iron Man

Dear Iron Man,
What is the best way to get out fast after a one night stand? I want to avoid uncomfortable questions like "when will i see you again" but I don't want to be rude! what should i do?
- Don Juanito in CA

Dear Don,
I've found the best way to get out is through the window, with some rocket boots!
Click For Bigger

Be sure to send over flowers and a sandblasting crew if you want to avoid seeming rude. Women love a man who helps clean up!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Bone for the kiddies

The complete Bone has been available for, like, forever. Or at least since 2004. However, it is now being released in smaller paperbacks for the kiddies, which is awesome. No parent is going to shell out the forty dollars the massive volume starts at, and no kid is going to think a brick of a book is appealing to pick up sight unseen. However, book seven just came out about a month ago. There have been massive pauses in the publication of each smaller trade, the first one arriving all the way back in January 2005.

As I said shortly before, I work in the kids department of a bookstore, and you have no idea how many kids have asked me when there's going to be more Bone. It's absolutely idiotic to print these books so far apart when the material is long finished! It's only making it less accessable to the kids who want the whole story right now, and will probably forget about it when there's almost a year between publications. I hate telling them that, although the story has been published, we won't get it in "their" format for another few months, at least.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I have the power!

Well I took an unexpected break there, as a rather nasty storm came and knocked out our power. It's back now, but I'm off for an expected break as I visit family. For now, i leave you with Lols...




Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Book Review: Hero


Hero by Perry Moore

I've been meaning to review this book since it came out in August, but my blog was on hiatus then. I absolutely jumped for joy when I saw it on the shelf, as I had recently enjoyed Soon I Will Be Invincible so I quickly scooped it up for later reading. Since, I have seen many reviews on other comics blogs, and almost all of them were nothing but good. I have to wonder why, as to me it fell way short of what it could have been, and suffered from an overabundance of plotlines and minor characters, as well as sloppy storytelling.

Let me take a minute to "establish my credentials" as it is, as a conossieur of young adult literature. I'm currently working in the children's section of a bookstore (which is how I got my awesome advance reader copy of the aforementioned Invincible) and have also worked in a middle school library. Also, I read YA literature like a madwoman. It's because they're like candy. I can easily read two novels in a night, and I'd say I read about fifteen teen books to every adult novel. However, one thing about teen fiction is that most of it is absolute trash, but there's still a lot of great books mixed in.

Hero is neither teen trash nor a great book. It is OK. The main story is of Thom's discovery of his healing powers and his desire to join "The League," against his ex-hero father's wishes. That story is the best handled one, and so it's what would make me reccomend the book for all it's failings. Said failings are the ten bajillion other plots, all of which are intriguing, but none of which are satisfyingly dealt with. There's the mystery of Thom's disappearing mother, the public hatred for his father (Hal), the story of the "old" league and Hal's career, the story of Justice, or Uberman, two of the established heroes of the book, all of whom are interesting, but put in as two-dimentional throwaway characters. The main supporting characters also don't get enough attention, so even Thom's teammate, Typhoid Larry, is never really developed beyond his joke powers.

There's a lot right in the plot too. Thom's superteam is great fun in their interactions, and Moore writes the fight scenes quite well, they move quickly and contain great turnarounds and banter. Also the romantic subplot is excellent, with just the right amount of presence in the book that it didn't turn it from a book about a gay teen superhero into a book about a GAY teen superhero. There are a couple of moments where the book does threaten to lapse into that, but it avoids it well. There is a very odd concentration on the superman-analog's nipples at the beginning though, I'm not quite sure three pages were necessary for that analysis, but Thom's crush on Uberman (the Supes of the tale) is great in the book, even if we never really find out what he's really like after Thom meets him, except that he's all publicity and show. Most of the heroes are, which is a novel part of the book.

As much as I'm complaining in all this, I would have been much more forgiving if the resolution to the book hadn't been so horrid. Deus ex machina! Thom turns into a "Gary Stu"! Conflicts resolved instantly! Plus, the climax event wasn't even hinted at before, bringing out a "yabuhwha?" response.

All in all, I'd say it's a good light read, but don't expect too much out of it. It's nice to see teen novels with gay main characters where the main story is not about their gayness, and this book fits that bill. It's the only one I've read so far (that I can recall), so hopefully others will follow in it's footsteps.

Monday, January 7, 2008

One More Annoyance

"Waaagh! Quesada hates Spidy & MJ's marriage! he is out to get them!"
"One More Day is a transparent editorial mandate to get rid of their marriage"
"I won't buy another Marvel comic until they fix this!"

Kiss my Vision & Scarlet Witch lovin' hiney.

Newbs.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Why do you build me up?

There was really only one reason I was reading Countdown at all. Well, actually two... I was reading mostly for the Piper & Trickster storyline, skipping over the rest of the bits, which were, to me, confusing and uninteresting due to having no idea who the characters were or what they heck they were doing. The Rogues' story was easy to get into for someone who had really no idea what was going on, and it introduced characters that immediately were appealing, although in some cases I've really no clue why. By some cases, I mean Trickster. Honestly, he's a total dick, but he's a likable dick... so I guess that's ok.

It says someting about the storyline that I remained interested when the story went from "Flash's Rogues are squabbling" to "Flash's Rogues killed him" especially since I only started reading because I love Bart so much. In any case, I kept following the exploits of the innocent(ish) rogues despite my great sadness regarding Bart. And I was rewarded with a most excellent story of Piper and Trickster running from various forms of authority while chained together. Oh So Classic. Hilarity ensues and I'm now caught up in the story of two quite minor characters who have been bumped to higher status by the inclusion of their story in the company event of Countdown.

Huzzah! minor characters have been elevated to a position of popularity in which they can now carry a story on their own and have an actual fan following. Now what should DC do with this? Spin it off into another book they can sell for more money and greater appeal? Nonsense! They should kill one of them off!

I forgot, the purpose of building up minor characters is actually so you can kill them off dramatically later, to artificially bump sales without having to do something inconvenient like killing a "real" character. How silly of me. Just like the "Death of the New Gods" bonanza, killing Trickster is a way for DC to show that they are oh so serious about changing the status quo without actually changing anything. No one cared about Trickster's story before, but they certainly care now.

Why would they want to keep writing that interesting story when they could sacrifice the character to boost an otherwise totally sucky event? Why bother building up new characters anyway? Certainly not to gain new readers or expand their current appeal. Who would want to do something like that?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Friday Night Fights: Backhanded with a Vengeance!


Spidy getting both backhanded and fronthanded by "The Queen," because Bahlactus Demands It!